I'm A Sucker And It Shows

I haven’t blogged about anything in a while. Not because i’ve lost my affinity for writing, but because i’ve been busy doing other things. No not busy doing other things, because those other things are just “other things.” Nothing important. I work at the Apple store, which i love, i train at Power MMa, which i love, and i hang out with the prettiest girl, which i love. I’d hate to have the next couple of sentences sound like i’m complaining about nothing, so please just bear with me and read along and if you know me, help me. (Nothing serious)

Is there a place in your life where you get to be a little too comfortable? I feel like i’ve reached it. I’ve got goals, i’ve got debt, i could always use a little more money, but it feels like i don’t have time to do much else than the three other mentioned things (work, train, gf). My time with my gf is important because you have to spend time with your significant other or things fall apart. We live together so we always hang and have good times. Today for example, I got home from work and she’d clean the room all kinds of nice, i rested and watched a little bit of badass Apple TV + perks, she got ready, we ate at an amazing italian restaurant, went to urban outfitters, I bought her shoes and bought myself a jacket, came home, and watched some tv all while sharing laughs and looking at other places to live. Life is good, no, life is great, and yet it feels like i’m not doing everything i should be. 

I really miss writing. Writing was my cure. Writing kept me sane. Writing let me vent. I used to write all the time then not at all. I started living my life and having good times. And that’s the sad truth about writing i feel. In order to be a “successful” writer, you’re going to have to go through some shit. You’re going to have to go through a bunch of shit. Whether i was writing songs, writing a screenplay, a short, or just ranting, my best work came out when i was at pivotal times in my life. I tried to write when i was happy and it was awful. So weird to say that. Anything happy was awful. Anything sad and pathetic was okay. What? You kidding? What is wrong with me?

I have an almost perfect life. A family that loves me, a gf that loves me, some great friends, all the game systems, games to go along with said systems, access to any movie, access to any music, an amazing job, and yet i don’t feel complete.

I think the one thing that is missing is purpose. I want more purpose. No no, i want to be more productive. Fuck a purpose. I probably wouldn’t fulfill my purpose on purpose cause i hate being told what to do. I like doing what i want to do. I am 5 years old. No. I want to export every idea i have in my brain in terms of: writing, film, music, training, art.

I want to write more. I propose to myself that i will do this more often, whether it be here in my blog, a short, a poem, a film, ANYTHING. If you have any of those writing challenges, send them to me please. 

I want to film more. I just bought a T3i and i’m ready to film EVERYTHING. Having a Vegas trip coming up is very fortunate. I hope to capture some of the coolest, funniest, and real times with the homies/cousins. Not only that, but i can finally film some of my past ideas i’ve kept in a computer since there’s been no camera for me to take over.

I want to take more pics with purpose. If you have any of those picture a day challenges, send them my way please.

I want to make more music. Playing ukulele is super fun but i really wanna produce more. I need to teach myself how to use logic and really start pouring stuff out. Hopefully this goes hand-in-hand with my filming. My gf plays piano and i’m really not using that to my advantage. We could make some super dope stuff (at least to my ears) using her super dope skills.

I want to train more. I’ve only been to training a couple of times and i feel like i’ve learned so much already. Fighting is one of my absolute favorite things in the world. So happy that mma exists as a legitimate sport. I can’t tell you how much i dream about the idea of fighting in the UFC and getting paid to do so at so many parts of my day. I’m literally one second away at all times from an mma thought. I need to get my ass up earlier and head to gym and stay there as long as possible. I need to work out at home, i need to change my diet, i need to do more if i wanna get to the level i dream of.

I want to start creating shirts, sweaters, and other articles of clothing and put them up for sale. I feel like i’m creative enough to share my ideas and have people pay a small amount to wear them. With my super smart and creative gf, this shouldn’t be taking as long as it has to start up.

Lastly, i want to thank everyone i talk to every day, every person that cares about me, thinks about me, and still loves me. I feel like i’m one of the most open persons on the planet. If i love you i’ll tell you, i look to compliment the ppl i like. If you think i hate you, i’m sorry if i don’t, otherwise i really don’t care. I’m really forgiving and it takes a big thing to really have me not care about you, but once you’re out of my head, it’s really easy for you to ever come up. 

To my beautiful girlfriend who will no doubt read this, i love you and i’m stoked on how things are going, let’s keep it up. Hanging out with you is ultra fun and i’m glad you’re becoming as adventurous as i am. Thank you for supporting me in all of my crazy ideas, thanks for sticking to my side, now if only we could get you not to pass out at 10PM… haha.

Thanks for reading

see ya